by Joanne Reimer
When I find myself unsettled, I will often turn to listening to an on-line meditation. Tara Brach is one of my favourites. If I recall correctly, I discovered her online meditations when the COVID restrictions kept us most isolated. In her introduction to one, she includes a Tibetan teaching that particularly resonated with me, and it is one that I consistently return to. It reads:
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Let go of what is past
Let go of what may come
Let go of what is happening now
Don’t try to figure anything out
Don’t try to make anything happen
Relax right now and rest
I have often repeated this teaching when I need to steady myself. I have listened to this one so often that I feel as though I have actually embodied these approaches. However, sadly, this is not the case when the stakes are raised above my usual comfort zone.
The part don’t try to figure anything out and don’t try to make anything happen is where I fumble. My approach to life involves trying to make sense of all the dynamics that contribute to a situation. And being a problem solver at heart, I want to sort things out and find a solution for what is troubling me. To accept what is is a huge hurdle for me because I tend to resist, especially when what is is not what I want in my deck of cards. Meditation has taught me that it is my resistance to letting go and letting be, that adds to my suffering.
In early October, my youngest daughter got married and my other daughter came from New Zealand with her husband, a 7-year-old, and a 22-month-old. The wedding day was gorgeous and flowing with joy, friendship and love. Among all the tender-hearted moments, my most precious one was walking my daughter down the aisle while her father played guitar and sang a duet with one of her bridesmaids. I had been introduced to poetry at Callanish, so when I was asked to read a poem at the ceremony, I felt very honoured.
After the wedding, the focus was on the NZ family having a wonderful vacation with us for three more weeks. Our quiet, routine household became entirely transformed. Let’s just say that the 7-year-old is high spirited, has incredible energy, and is ready to try just about anything. Just when I thought that her day had been filled to the brim, she was ready for more. The 22-month-old is in the “I do it myself!” phase which means being patient with the time and the mess that comes with her learning to master things bit by bit. I had long since forgotten how much food lands under the highchair. Our dog was always happily perched under the highchair!
When the cacophony around me became overwhelming, I told my gang that I needed some time out. I’d remove myself from the eye of the hurricane and go off to my bedroom to listen to a meditation. Giving myself some space was a huge step from my usual practice of simply pushing through. Especially in this situation where I had limited time to enjoy my grandchildren.
The meditation helped to take me out of my spinning mind and more into my body as I settled into the rhythm of Tara Brach’s voice. However, as is known to happen during meditation, my mind would wander. I found myself struggling with a tug-of-war in my head. Aware that I had limited time before everyone returned to NZ, I did not want to miss anything. However, the intensity and the pace of each day was overwhelming at times.
So, I turned back to the Tibetan teaching and conceded that I needed to Let go of what is happening for a bit. I needed to relax right now and rest. Looking back on the experience, I realized no one ever questioned why I needed a time out. They simply accepted that it was what I needed and I felt more at ease with myself.
You can listen to the Tara Brach meditation here: tarabrach.com
Joanne Reimer has been connected to Callanish since its inception in 1995 and has been a program assistant and baker at Callanish for the past several years. She brings many years of experience working in the healthcare system as a hospice consultant and researcher.