by Eva Matsuzaki
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In hindsight, in my life,
you’re not as special as you think you are.
Yes, you’ve been a royal pain.
You took me by surprise with a diagnosis for me,
and then you took away my sweetie-pie.
I held his hand as he died in the emergency
at Vancouver General Hospital.
However, you’re just one
nasty thorn in a life of many.
Miss Cancer, I choose to demote you.
Like you, other thorns have left their scars.
throwing handfuls of Latvian sand onto my father’s casket in an open grave,
finding my mother dead on her kitchen floor,
learning my daughter is dealing with mental health,
having open-heart surgery for a valve replacement,
worrying about another epilepsy episode, petite-mal,
and this year, hearing the doctors say I had heart-failure.
So, Miss Cancer - you’re just another thorn in my life.
BUT - to your credit -
you introduced me to Callanish,
to it’s beautiful souls and beautiful hearts.
For that I am grateful.
All these thorns are a part of me.
Today I’m feeling stronger,
thorns or no thorns, scars or no scars.
Not so truly yours,
Eva
Eva Matsuzaki is a past cancer patient, a past Callanish participant, a past retreat dishwasher, (so many pasts), a current board member, an occasional blog writer, a gratitude card writer, (and so many futures!).