by Sigrid Ewender
This past August, I was filled with both excitement and curiosity in anticipation of the Callanish Writing Circle to be held in the VanDusen Gardens, Vancouver.
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The excitement was about spending an afternoon surrounded by lush greenery, colourful flowers, and lovely people. And my curiosity was piqued at how my mind would build a construct of its own words prompted by the guidance of selected topics.
When the day arrived, I took my folding chair, a notebook and a pen, and off I went. After a warm greeting at the entrance, we headed to a shady spot in a grassy area underneath a mature tree. I noticed some chatty songbirds as I walked along. Amidst immensely enchanting surroundings, I stood still for a few moments, here and there, soaking in the beauty of nature.
Sitting in a circle with sixteen other Callanish friends, I noticed leaves fluttering in the wind, rays of sunshine poking through the branches and twigs of the tree that was chosen to provide shade. The multitude of tiny little pea pods that rained down from these branches were a reminder that nature is alive, full of seeds of new beginnings.
After a warm introduction, three inspiring prompts were read aloud in the form of two poems and a piece of prose. The poem entitled, I Start My Usual Walk by Sandy Kalmakoff (see below), became a wonderful reflection on the value of my many daily activities and routines, and the intrinsic meaning these activities hold for me in my life. I thought about my own usual walks in my neighbourhood, and everything I encounter along the way: a drought-resilient fern, a fresh-water creek, or a mighty cedar tree welcoming a hug. Every walk is unique. Every walk is different and every walk in nature is a gift. Among the trees, the present moment becomes the focus, and gratitude the cornerstone.
After writing for 40 minutes in silence we were invited to read our pieces aloud to the circle. Listening to everyone else, as well as reading my own story, felt liberating and provided reassurance that I am not alone in my journey.
A cancer diagnosis is like a reset button, a restart in life requiring a profoundly different skillset to function. Living with cancer necessitates finding new meaning and finding new hidden gems made of sparkles and joyful moments. This search can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. It is harder than anything I had ever imagined.
As the Writing Circle wrapped up, I was calm and at ease, overcome by a deep feeling of gratitude and joy for that day, for writing in the garden, in community.
I Start my Usual Walk
by Sandy Kalmakoff, past retreat participant
I start my usual walk –
Going up this street, down that,
past houses and gardens
I have seen- countless times – before.
I say to myself,
“This could be the last time
I do this.”
The thought stops me in my tracks-
As perhaps I meant it to.
I arrive in the moment,
raising my eyes to its immediacy –
only to be deflected by
another idea:
“This is not the last time
but the first time
I take this walk
on this day.”
Two steps more,
and it dawns on me-
it’s not the last,
it’s not the first,
but surely the only:
The only time this walk is taken
(by who I am)
on this day
at this pace
in these thoughts
just these perceptions
never
the same
twice.
The patterns that we make
of life’s repeated actions
everything that is habitual,
regular and customary –
my well-worn route around the streets
the posture prescribed
for effective meditation
the order of Seder
beloved bedtime routines –
each template of behavior
is nothing but a lattice,
a frame and a container:
within it,
we experience,
every moment,
the wild
and limitless unique.
Sigrid Ewender first came to Callanish as a retreat participant in May 2016 and attended an alumni retreat in 2023. She is also a regular participant in the online Monday Callanish meditations. Sigrid was diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma in 2011. The nurturing and compassionate community at Callanish has become an immensely precious source of support in her journey.