by MaryAnne Brown
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Right now you are dying,
moving ever closer
to a place I can’t yet know,
traversing further from this world and all its life,
a transformation at once knowable
and wholly unknowable.
You did all you could,
for as long as you could,
filling every moment you could grasp
with the sweetness of your exuberance and wonder.
But the suddenness of this ending
dismayed us all,
I think, you, most of all,
though you lived so long with the uncertainty
of a looming end,
an ever-present unanswerable question
that could not be ceaselessly entertained
or simply ignored.
We have shared so much history
and I filter through the memories
as I sit here with you in these last moments.
And soon you will leave,
your ragged breathing smoothed,
your pain finally eased
as you step from this plane
into the expanse
to discover all that lies beyond.
MaryAnne Brown first came to Callanish in 2009 during treatment for genetic bilateral breast cancer and has been coming ever since. Now in remission but living through unexpected permanent side effects from treatment, she continues to benefit from having been able to attend two younger adult retreats, a writing retreat and a regular retreat. She is forever grateful for the honesty, vulnerability and kindness shared in Callanish circles that encourages her to show up and participate no matter how low her energy is. The cookies help, too!